From the comments I've received about my feature "Saying No," it's a subject that most of us are struggling with.  It's really hard for most of us to say "no" even if we know it's the right thing to do and the biggest reason why is that we feel guilty.   I've decided to spend all week writing about this a little each day.

The model for how I live life, at least as much as humanly possible, is Christ and how he lived his earthly life.  He who was capable of healing anyone whe stepped in front of him… didn't.  Who could have fed the masses every day of his life, only did it twice.  He stopped.  He rested.  He went away to be alone.  Why did he do that, was he just "over the crowds?"  Had he had it with those foolish unbelieving masses?  Or did he come away to be alone with God and be refreshed, recharged and sent back out again to do what he had been called to do?

The first principle in guilt reduction is this… "God is God and I am not."  It sounds very silly, but sometimes we take on a role that's just too darn big for us to handle.  Jesus was all powerful but he said, "The poor you will have with you always."  He knew that while on earth he had the limitations of any other human in terms of energy, strength, and stamina.  He chose his daily tasks carefully, seeking to do that which would yield the greatest fruitfulness.  He chose to do only what he first saw his father in heaven do and speak only what he heard his father in Heaven speak.  He left a lot of possible "good" tasks undone in order to pursue purely the "best."

If you seek to accomplish the best possible use of your time, where you function the best and yield the best fruit in the lives of others around you, you'll have to leave a lot of "good" things undone.  Knowing your limits, just like Jesus did, helps you to make those decisions in wisdom and not in human emotion (i.e. guilt!)  Let me use an example from my own life.

We have a wonderful lady at our church who is involved in prison ministry to young girls and is also very involved in the drama club for the kids.  She's fabulous at it, the productions are marvelous and the kids adore her.  I was standing outside the building one morning when they were calling people in to a drama club meeting.  It's a very small church so they were meeting in our sanctuary.  I had to run into the use the restroom (and had to go through the sanctuary to get there) and I JUST KNEW that this lovely lady would put me on the spot when I went inside… but I had to go!  So I stopped and thought out my answer in advance.

Sure enough, when I walked in the back of the church, she shouted out to me, "Come on Audrey, join us!  We could sure use you!  I know you're a busy lady, with a crazy schedule, but we're doing this drama production to serve God.  I know you want to serve Him"  I responded in this manner, "Yes, I'm busy, but that isn't why I'm not participating in the drama club.  My gifts aren't in the area of drama or singing.  I know that I'm not called to be involved in drama, and that I am called to be involved in the Marriage Ministry here for the young couples.  If I devoted my time to the drama club, I wouldn't have the time or energy required to do the Marriage ministry that I know God has called me to do.  Thanks for asking me though, I'm flattered."

Knowing who you are involves finding what you're good at and often involves discovering what you're NOT!  What are your gifts?  What is easy for you to do that isn't easy for someone else?  What can you do that no one else can do?  What are you doing that someone else (or many someone elses) could do?  What do you do that produces good fruit in other's lives?  What do you enjoy doing — and conversely what do you not enjoy and find yourself chaffing over?  What makes your heart leap with joy?  When you figure that out you're half way there. 

Eliminating some things that you're just not good at and removing them from your list of possible places to serve can be very helpful.  I can't sing.  I have about a 6 note range…. period!  So when the call for choir or other singing involved commitments is made I can safely rule them out for me.  I don't cook particularly well, nor do I love doing it, so when serving on a committee to do the food for one of our major events comes up it's probably not something that God is going to ask me to do.  However, I don't rule it totally out because He may want me to simply be there as a one time service perhaps even just to be involved in set up, tear down and cleaning up… but it's not likely He'd call me to do it as an ongoing ministry.

God made us for a purpose.  Discovering that purpose and the gifts that go with it, become a way to discover the path we're to walk on.  When we walk on the path God has called us to, there is joy in the service.  It isn't possible to walk on two paths at once.  We feel torn apart when we try to walk someone else's path or the path that they think we should be walking rather than the path that has been assigned to us.  When it is settled in your own heart, as mine was about drama, even someone who's really good at pushing your guilt buttons won't be able to!  When you serve the Lord first, serving others becomes much easier to do without guilt and conflicts.

If I tried to walk out my friend at church's path, I would be exhausted and drained at the end of each day.  My natural skills might allow me to do it pretty well, but my spiritual gifting wouldn't come into play and it wouldn't be very fruitful in the long run.  If she tried to do the intense counseling that our marriage ministry entails, she would probably do okay, but likewise be drained and exhausted and feeling very much unsatisfied because God has called her to be a different part of the body.  

Jesus says to you, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden light.  Matthew 11:28-30"

More later…

Audrey Jeanne Roberts