Are you afraid to be who you really are?  Does it feel dangerous to you to let any of your flaws show through to others?  If you fail or make a mistake do you want to run away and hide from the world?  Have you been wounded in the past when you’ve tried to "be real," so you’ve pulled your head in like a turtle in its shell?

Living transparently, means in part allowing others to know who you really are, warts and all.  It can be very scary to share your struggles and difficulties with those in your life.  But if you find someone who is trustworthy and caring it can lead to incredible joy and great friendship.   The bible tells us to: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  James 5:16 NIV  The word sin merely means to miss the mark as in archery.  We all "miss the mark" in our lives and when we feel comfortable enough with each other to "confess" that we’re missing it we have a great opportunity for healing and change.
 

Living transparently involves taking a great risk and is not without potential dangers.  Sharing your faults with someone who isn’t trustworthy is not a wise thing to do.  And because other people have flaws and areas of weakness, rejection and wounding are always a possibility, but the rewards are incalculable.

The other morning, Dixie posted this comment on my blog:  "AJ, honey, I don’t think I have ever loved you more.  I still have a million boxes that I have not unpacked since we moved in June.  I feel as though we are twins separated at birth!  Hugs, Dixie."  It was in response to my being vulnerable and willing for some people to think less of me by posting my out-of-control-studio pictures. 

I intentionally posted those photos and earlier this year my messy garden pictures, so that you guys will realize that I am just a normal person, with a normal (okay not-so-normal) hectic life and some days like today I don’t make it out of my pajamas until after noon… sometimes well after noon and sometimes I go back to bed in them!  Earlier in the comments on this same post someone mentioned that she had had me on a "pedestal," in a cute and joking way, but pedestals can be very scary and can hurt a lot to fall off of.  Being real keeps you firmly rooted on the earth and much less likely to fall.

When I struggle with a particular area of my life or perhaps I even make a mistake, the Lord has taught me to not dwell in shame over it.  He’s taught me to confess my weakness or sin to Him and then allow Him to change my areas of weakness and even use them to help others overcome as well. 

My dearest friend SallyLou came over often when my children were growing up.  One day she came over unexpectedly one afternoon for a relaxing cup of tea and when she walked into the kitchen she exclaimed, "I’m so glad you have dirty dishes in your sink but are still comfortable having me over here.  That makes me feel comfortable having you over if my rug needs vacuuming!"  Doesn’t that just about sum up the entire concept?!

When we lead transparent lives, we free up the tender-hearted people living around us to also be honest about their struggles.  If we feel that we need to set a "perfect" example as parents, friends or leaders, we leave others feeling that they need to measure up.  If we share how we struggle, overcome and grow they also feel empowered to do likewise.

You do need to be cautious and careful about being transparent around anyone in your life who is perfectionistic, critical or negative.  They quite often are people who are quite insecure and don’t know how to deal with raw "realness" in others because they aren’t comfortable being "real" themselves.  Sometimes your being honest will make them so uncomfortable that they can make wounding comments without even realizing that they have done so.  Give them grace and don’t expect to build and honest and transparent relationship with them quickly (if at all). 

Look for others that are struggling and share your struggles and you are likely to make a powerful impact in their lives and potentially a wonderful, deep, real friendship as well!!! 

THE PROVERB OF THE DAY:  Proverbs 31:8-9  Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.  Niv

Tomorrow I draw for the blog contest and because it’s summer, and lots of people have gone on vacation or are playing outside instead of on their computers, you’ve got a better than normal chance at winning!  All you have to do is post a comment on any or all posts from the 1st through today and that comment becomes an entry in the drawing.

For those of you that aren’t aware, my husband Steve works seasonally for a company that supplies support equipment to the fire services on large fires.  He left on August 25th, worked a smaller fire that wrapped up and then was assigned to the Cascade Complex fire north of Boisie, Idaho.  That fire camp was pretty close to the fire when he arrived and it continued to move in their direction, day after day.  Being so far away from him, it was hard to hear that it was coming closer to them and they had decided not to move the camp, but to defend their position right there. 

Two days ago it actually burned over their camp.  It was a huge battle with three helicopters standing guard over them and keeping the flames from hitting them directly.  They were able to drive the fire around the camp, but it was a long, scary and exhausting battle.

Fortunately, no one was injured.  There were some tents and property lost in fighting the fire.  When he called that night he had that awful rasp in the throat that someone who has breathed way too much smoke will have.  The fire has gone past them but continues to grow rapidly and is now just under 100,000 acres.  Please be praying for him and the men there as there is still no estimated date of containment for the fire.

It is fearful to have your husband or any one that you love in harm’s way.  How do you cope with fear or do you cope with it?  Does fear overwhelm you in the middle of the night?  Do you wander around your house with your heart pounding and your mind racing, turning over and over and over again trying to solve your problems or worring about what might happen to you?  Do you wrestle with fear frequently or only occasionally?  What do you think God has to say about fear?  Have you ever thought to look and find out?  He knows us, he knows our frailty and because he knows how hard fear is for us to overcome, he’s written about it hundreds of times in the scriptures. 

My favorite verse about fear is:Ps 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?  NIV  This single verse had a tremendous impact on me years ago when I was in a life-threatening situation.  My minivan with my 2 and 8 year daughters and I in it, was stranded in the third lane of five lanes on the 805 freeway in San Diego, California, with cars and semi-trucks going 70 mph all around us.  That little verse had been made up into child’s song that was on a tape my girls listened to frequently.  I sang that song to them and to myself  for the 15–20 minutes we sat in that dangerous position.  God delivered us in a miraculous way (the story is too long to tell here) but on that Good Friday, he allowed us to live to give him praise!  What a glorious Easter we had that year!

Note that the verse says WHEN I am afraid, I will trust.  It is not a lack of trust that you feel fear, it is a lack of trust only if you don’t bring that fear to God for him to handle.  When I am afraid for my husband’s safety, I pray for him and remind myself that God is big enoiugh to handle the situation even though Steve is a thousand miles away.  

I have walked with God through many seasons of fear in my life… when my first husband was diagnosed with cancer and at each stage in the process right up until he died, fear was my constant companion.  At one point I was driving home on the freeway and had what I believe was a mild panic attack.  At that point I literally shouted out in my car, "Lord, even if the worst happens, you will be more than enough for me."  And I can tell you that as the worst did happen, He was.

Most often the things we fear don’t happen.  We spend hours and hours worrying and being anxious over nothing, but sometimes, unfortunately they do happen.  Being a Christian doesn’t keep you from the exact same events in life that befall others, God just keeps you IN THEM, and has a plan for you that takes you through them.

If you’re afraid, tell God, let Him know exactly what you fear and why, then think about who God is and His power, strength, mercy, and care for you and choose instead to trust in Him.  It is a challenging process and one that is not easy to master, but it will make all the difference in your life.

You have feelings, but your feelings do not need to have you.  You can choose to take your thoughts captive and control where you let your mind and emotions go.  The bible calls it "renewing your mind."   But in its simplest form it’s just "telling yourself the truth."  What does God say?  What do you feel?  Which do you think is the truth?  I find it really valuable for me to speak these kinds of things out loud.  When I’m afraid for finances, for example, I go find the scriptures that speak to me of God’s care and provision and read them out loud and then I put them into my own words and pray them.  I remind myself of God’s attributes and character and I also remind myself of every other time He has miraculously met my needs.  Over the many years I have walked with Him, the Lord has a perfect track record in my life.  That history makes it easier to trust Him with my next struggle than when I first began to walk with Him.  He will do likewise with you.

Fear not… these words are in hundreds of verses are a reminder to us.  Look them up and read how many times and how many ways God tells you, "I’m big, I’m strong, I’m powerful and most of all I love you and you are my child… trust me!"

THE PROVERB OF THE DAY: Prov 3:21-26  My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight;  they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.  Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.  NIV

Audrey Jeanne Roberts

This week in my short conversations with my husband, Steve (only 5 minutes a day when he’s in fire camp), one subject kept coming up.  He’s working with a lot of ex-firefighters, battalion chiefs etc. who have retired from the fire service and are now working part time with vendors that support the fire services.  Many of these men used to hold positions of authority and really miss the action and the honor they had in their former professons.   So they spend a lot of time remembering the good old days and telling each other what they did, with whom and when.  He said it can be really funny to sit at dinner and hear 3 or 4 men trying to impress one another with their stories yet nobody’s really listening to what the other man is saying, they are trying to get respect and be noticed by men that are trying to get respect and be noticed by them.  It’s kind of funny, a little silly… and it’s a lot sad.

Why do I bring this up?  Of course, because there’s a lesson in it for all of us.  These men, when reduced to the core of who they are, are probably very insecure.  They found their value through their jobs and now the job doesn’t exist for them any more, so who are they and what makes them special?   The important and valuable work they did once defined who they were and now that they no longer do it, many of them are somewhat lost and left purposeless. 

Men tend to naturally draw their value from their work, women tend to draw their sense of value from their relationships.  Is what you do what defines who you are?   Is it your relationship with your husband or your children that gives you value?  If your value is based on something that is as changeable as a job or a relationship, your life can be unpended in a moment.  If your value is based on something deeper and more lasting, you can weather any storm.

As an artist, I’ve been blessed that a few people have seemed to really enjoy my work.  I deeply delight in that, but fortunately it no longer defines who I am and creates my sense of value.  I will confess that when I began my career, it did.  I was very insecure and looking for acceptance, approval, appreciation and even the delightful "pats on the back" that being an artist can bring.  If I still depended upon that though, what would happen to me if I lost my eyesight, or got Parkinson’s like my Grandma Flint did and my hand shook too much to paint?  What if the market changed so much that no one liked my style of art anymore?  Would I still have anything of value to share with others?  Would I still feel secure in who I am and would my sense of purpose for my life change?  It’s important for all of us to ask these kinds of questions because change can happen to any of us in an instant…

So my question for you to ponder is this… where do you derive your value?  Is it from something you do well?  Is it from your cooking skills?   Is it from your figure or your beauty?  Is it from your crafting and the gifts you give to others hoping they’ll notice the time, energy and skill that went into it?  Is it from your wealth?  (okay… I heard the laughter at that one!)  If it is, any and all of these things can be lost very quickly, there is no guarantee that they will last throughout your lifetime. 

A sense of value that is permanent, solid and unshakable is one that is founded upon who you are becoming as a person, the character and wisdom that is being built into you.  I understand that many of my readers are not religious or Christian and their sense of value will be derived in many different ways, but I am going to simply share from where I have come to derive my sense of purpose and value.  For me, much of it is in becoming as much like Jesus as possible.  The word "Christian" actually means "little Christ’s" not that I am aiming to become him, but that I want to become his student and be an imitator of what I see him do.  When I become like him, my sense of value and purpose remains constant and won’t change with my life circumstances.  I can be like Christ if I am confined to a wheelchair or become the President of a Corporation.  I can be like him working in a Mc Donald’s or if I am an Academy-Award-winning actress.  The emphasis becomes on who I am as I am doing a job or having a relationship or doing good works, not on the job or relationship or good works themselves.

My value comes from how highly God values me.  He loved me enough to die in my place.  He loved me enough to create this beaufiful world for me to inhabit!  Have you ever stopped to think about this… the God that created the universe in all it’s infinite size, beauty and complexity… with nothing but the power of His spoken words also created you and knows exactly how many hairs there are on your head both before and after you brush you hair!  He attended to the tiniest details of creation, and before the world was created, he planned out every single one of your days AND designed good works for you to fulfill.  Does that boggle your mind like it does mine?  This same God loves you and adopted you as His child, has given you a place by His side at His throne and declared that He will never leave you or forsake you!  

When we come to fully realize the awesomeness of this love and the security of His care for us, it can produce a deep security in our hearts that helps us to realize that nothing in life can shake it.  The man or woman who lives with this sense of security at their core can look at the world and realize "It’s not all about me, it’s all about how the God who loves me can use me to touch a hurting world."

A career can come to an end.  A marriage can fail or you can lose your spouse.  Fortunes can change on the whims of the stock market or the real estate market, but a person who’s life value is found in the Lord will never ever lose his or her significance.

THE SCRIPTURE OF THE DAY:  Eph 2:4-10  But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  NIV

There are a couple of very special abilities that, when cultivated, can bring tremendous peace to personal relationships and even relationships within organizations.  The first is the ability to stand quietly on the merits of your character when it is being challenged.and the second (and often hardest) is the ability to let someone else have the last word. 

I’ve shared that several of the communities that we are involved in are undergoing intense conflicts (at our work, church, and local neighborhood etc.).  There has been some painful turmoil and the air has too frequently been filled with attacks, gossip, sniping, accusations and even at the extreme, character assasination.  We are standing beside some very dear friends as they have been experiencing these devastating circumstances. 

It’s easy, when someone is hurting you (or more often when someone is hurting someone you love) to want to make the offending person see your point of view.  It’s tempting to respond to every charge and refute them, but grace sometimes requires that we learn to keep our counsel.  It is often more effective to take our concerns to the Lord in prayer rather than fight the battle on the human plain. Prov 15:18  A hothead starts fights; a cool-tempered person tries to stop them.  NLT

When we choose to counter every charge and refute every argument, we rarely succeed in ending the argument, but instead usually even help the argument to grow!  Those that frequently stir up arguments are rarely ever convinced by anyone else’s viewpoint but are adamantly committed to their own.  A goodly measure of grace can lead us to choose to let the other individual have the last word, and the last, last word and the last, last, last…. well, you get my point.  By not responding, eventually the argument dies out because there is no one left to argue with.  It isn’t much fun for a contentious-spirited individual to argue alone and they will often go elsewhere in search of a playmate.

Sometimes our response has to be to speak not about the issue itself, but about the conflict and how to handle it apart from the facts of the particular issue… the issues can never be resolved if we can’t find the path to resolution through all the briars and thorny bushes of the conflict we’re lost in. 

Many families find that every family gathering is spent arguing the last argument they had, all over again.  It can become so stressful that there is no longer any joy in their celebrations.  Some  people are so passionate about their opinions, politics or various religious discussions, that they dominate every converstation.  In the process quieter family members are often stepped on or wounded.  In extreme circumstances the dominant individual might need to be met with a united front within the family or organization.  Behind the scenes communication might be in order to determine how best to respond and thereby greet this individual with a silent, united wall.    The contentious individual is looking for a dance partner as it’s no fun to dance this dance alone. 

Silence… for some of us it’s a very, very hard thing to practice, but silence is often the very best approach to handling the continuously argumentative among us.  The contentious individual almost always is seeking to draw supporters to their position and rarely is willing to confront directly the person that they have a disagreement with.  By not joining into their discussion and quietly, repectfully refusing to be drawn in, they are deprived of an audience and of the reinforcement they are seeking.

When it is the right thing to do to speak out — it is almost always best done by communicating quietly, factually and unemotionally.  Speak humbly from the heart with a heart of love and a desire for restoration, rather than to be proved right.  Prov 29:23  3 A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. NIV
 Sometimes the Lord will counsel you to hold still and be quiet… in those times it is right to simply let your character stand and rest in the knowledge that those who know you best, really do know you. 

Remember, the grace you have received for your own failures is the same grace that Christ requires you to in turn give to others… but that grace doesn’t stand in the way of taking practical steps to insure peace and tranquility in your life and in your communities.  Walking in grace is not for cowards!!!  Walking in grace isn’t allowing someone else to win while you stand weakly by, but it is turning the other cheek with a sense of strength, dignity and self-control.  Walking in grace can only come from the power of God’s holy spirit at work in you.  May He bless you today, with a fresh filling of His grace.

THE PROVERB OF THE DAY: Prov 23:15-18
My son, if your heart is wise,
then my heart will be glad;
16 my inmost being will rejoice
when your lips speak what is right.

17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
18 There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
NIV

Audrey Jeanne Roberts

We have several of our different "worlds" that are experiencing exactly the same difficulty… conflicts between  people that are escalating and causing pain and separation.  It’s so hard to watch and know what to say (or not say), to do (or not do).  It feels so personal and so unexpected that it often causes a great deal of hurt and pain, even to those not directly involved in the situation.  However, I’ve discovered that there is one inevitability in any group, organization, church, family or assembly of people… where there are people, there are "people problems."  My husband and I often laugh and say, "If we ever find the perfect church we won’t even consider attending it… because then it won’t be perfect anymore!"

So, what works to keep unity?  What works against it?  What does God’s word have to say about resolving conflict?  Does it say anything?  How can we live together as a group and maintain healthy, loving relationships?  When I search for answers I have found only one absolutely trustworthy place for them and that is in the bible. 

If you do a word search using a concordance featuring these words; unity, united, divide, divisive, gossip, reconcile and reconciliation ,you will find that the bible has a lot to say that can help you with every relationship in your life.  If you have a good study bible, you probably have a relatively good concordance in the back.  A concordance is a listing by topic/word of where you can find it mentioned in the bible.  If your bible is like mine and your concordance is pretty much useless, then this site will help you www.bible.crosswalk.com/Concordances/NavesTopicalBible. 

When I looked these things up, I was shocked at how frequently gossip was mentioned and how strongly God felt about it  In fact several places state that God HATES GOSSIP.  How could just a little talking between people be something so bad that God hates it?  I’ve personally witnessed gossip kill friendships, relationships, churches, work environments and organizations.  Nothing good ever comes from gossiping. 

We had a meeting at our little church on Sunday, because of painful issues which have gotten out of control all because of gossip.  One thing that I noticed during our meeting, was that many people were confused about what is and isn’t gossip.  I thought a lot about it and realized that it’s probably not just our little group of people that aren’t sure about the subject, you might be unsure as well.  So I’m going to share a few of my observations and guiding principles… by no means a comprehensive treatise, just a chat between caring friends.

A very wise and wonderful woman once told me, "There’s only two times in life that the Lord expects us to make the first move towards being reconciled… when we’re right… and when we’re wrong!"  Pretty simple and also pretty profound!   So for myself, if I have an issue with someone, my first step needs to be to go directly to them.  It isn’t comfortable to do so, but it’s what I’m commanded by scripture to do.  And then if I don’t have a satisfactory reaction/conclusion, I am permitted to bring others to go with me.   If I bring someone into the situation, I should select them for their reputation of being wise, impartial and judging correctly.  Sometimes things can’t be resolved even with proper attempts, but it is my job to do all that I can to be a peace with everyone that is willing to be at peace with me.

If the situation isn’t one I’m directly involved in, I have a very simple test that I use to determine whether I’m participating in gossip or not.  It’s a test of my heart attitude, and it helps me to then determine the correct action.  "Am I being part of the solution, or am I going to become part of the problem?"  If my goal is always to be part of solving the conflict or I am going to be part of encouraging the differing parties to work things out, my communication is probably okay.  If the information will stop with me and I will not spread it, but will pray about it, it’s also probably okay.

When an issue is brought to me by one of the parties involved, and they want to think things through and decide what to do to resolve the issue, it isn’t gossip for me to listen.  However, if that individual wants to unload all of their hurt and pain, but isn’t willing to take any steps towards reconciling their differences directly with the individual or group that they are in conflict with, I probably should stop the discussion.  My continuing to be a part of the conversation when the individual refuses wise counsel, is probably heading towards becoming gossip

When someone brings an issue to my attention that is not one of the directly involved parties, I immediately grow cautious.  "Facts" often aren’t ,when they are spread from person to person (remember the telephone game?!)  It is easy to get angry, riled up and hurt over something that didn’t even happen.  This is the hidden devastation of gossip.  People’s reputations are easily destroyed and once the destruction happens, they can’t be easily restored..

When someone comes to you and their conversation starts with any of the following, it’s probably not okay.  "Did you hear what ______ did?"  Did you know that …..," Have you heard the latest?"  "_______ told me that ________ said….," and "I’m just sooo concerned about…"   I have found that stopping the conversation before it starts is the first step in keeping unity in group relationships.  I can be quite frank with people that repeatedly try to involve me in their pattern of gossip and by the questions I ask, I will communicate that I don’t willingly participate in gossip.  It is quite amazing how quickly those people turn to other sources to "share their concerns."

My last test is this one, "Would I say this directly to his/her face?  Could I say it in love and with a heart towards helping them?"  Many people have been hurt deeply by the "truth" that wasn’t shared in love.  Naked truth can be wielded like a sword and be used to slash people to death.  Learn to listen to the intent behind people’s words and you will hear a heart that wants to heal and a heart that wants to wound.  Avoid people with the later and you will avoid much pain.

I will confess to you that I am guilty of frequently speaking behind people’s backs… I am shameless.  Those who know me well, know that I am absolutely notorious at bragging about my friends!  I tattle tale on the good things I’ve seen them do.  I repeat stories frequently when my friends are the heroes of them.  If I catch you doing something really special and brag-worthy, you never quite know who I’ll tell it to.  It’s a practice I encourage you to try doing!  Gossip can’t even begin to compete for sheer fun!

I Hope this helps you think these things through a little.  I’ll leave you with this thought… I’ve rarely regretted the words I haven’t spoken but have frequently regretted those that were spoken in haste, emotion, pain or anger.  

THE PROVERB OF THE DAY:  Proverbs 12:1-3  "If you love learning, you love the discipline that goes with it — how shortsighted to refuse correction!  A good person basks in the delight of God, and he wants nothing to do with devious schemers.  You can’t find firm footing in a swamp, but life rooted in God stands firm."  The Message Bible

Audrey Jeanne Roberts  

We have an incredible woman in our church named Doris.  She recently lost her husband of 40 years.  They were the cutest couple.  They were always smiling at each other and were inseperable.  Doris suffers from macular degeneration and severe hearing loss.  Bob had had heart troubles for years.  He was her eyes and ears.  They were active and involved in people’s lives, caring and outgoing. 

Bob died suddenly one afternoon.  When I asked her how it had happened, Doris said, "Bob was out in the garden watering and just peacefully ‘went to sleep’ under a tree."  She would miss him, but wasn’t surprised or devastated… she would see him again soon.  The two of them had discussed their plans should one or the other pass on.  Their country property would be too much for either of them to handle alone, so Doris has been working at getting her home ready to sell and will be moving in with one of her daughters in Arizona. 

Wow!  As one who was widowed at 36 and has been through the pain, I’ve been watching her process this loss over the last 2 months.  She’s wonderful at expressing how she feels (not just stuffing things) and yet has a cheerful anticipation of the life that is still ahead to be lived and has chosen not to live in the past.  Our little church has Praise Reports and Prayer Requests each service and this Sunday Doris shared two praise reports.  Her praise reports were about how she was being helped out by their long-time gardening assistant and how she was able to bless him and his wife by giving him many of her husband’s tools.  She has  grateful heart that shines through the darkness of her circumstances.   I think there’s an important message to those of us who have experienced losses and will experience them yet ahead (which is pretty much 100% of us!)

Some older people stop forming new relationships at a certain point in life, because they fear suffering the pain of loss… "If I don’t get close I won’t feel pain."  Those that detatch from people and the world to protect themselves, most often begin to suffer depression and find it also impacts their physical health in many ways.  I think that God didn’t create us to live "risk-free" lives.  To love is to risk loss.  To love is to risk pain, yet to love is the core of our lives and our mission here.

My beloved Grandma Flint said to me in the last year or so of her life (she died at age 89 in December of 2004) that the closer she drew to the end of her life, the more she realized there were more friends and family waiting for her on the other side than remained here.  At times she felt torn between two worlds.  She felt that she would deeply miss all of her children, grandchildren, great and great-great grandchilren, but so looked forward to the reunions that were ahead of her.  And most importantly she longed to finally look upon the face and gaze into the eyes of her beloved Lord and Savior Jesus Christ… the one she loved more than life itself.

Grandma Flint remained caring, connected and involved in the lives of her family right up until the day she died.  She died with a young spirit because she lived each day of her life with a young spirit.  Doris is cheerfully looking forward to the changes in her life with an expectation of the adventure that lies ahead… my prayer is that I live my life ahead with the same spirit.  How about you?

THE PROVERB OF THE DAY:  PROVERBS 1:1-4  A MANUAL FOR LIVING.  These are the wise sayings of Solomon, David’s son, Israel’s king — Written down so we’ll know how to live well and right, to understand what life means and where it’s going; A manual for living, for learning what’s right and just and fair; To teach the inexperienced the ropes and give our young people a grasp on reality. 

Audrey Jeanne Roberts

This is my dear Uncle John and his wife Aunt Betty last Friday.  It was the last day that he was really alert and communicative.  He was always thin, but grew so much more so with the ravages of cancer.  They were so cute together.

The first time I met him, I was thirteen.  He came to San Diego to meet my mother and us girls after his brother, Joe Rogers married "us."  I fell in love with him immediately.  I remember laughing because he felt so cold in San Diego where it was 50 degrees, yet he lived in Anchorage!  He said it was so damp that 50 degrees felt colder to him than 0 degrees that were very dry!

I then was invited to come spend time with them in Alaska the summer between my Sophmore and Junior years in 1974.  My aunt and uncle had never had children and yet were fabulous with the children that shared their lives.  They made me feel very welcome and communicated that they enjoyed my visit immensely.  I, of course, had the time of my life camping, fishing and dirt biking!

The day I arrived there, they took me to a Mexican restaurant to make me feel at home (and ordered me a full on Margarita!)  From then on the trip was one amazing encounter after another.

 Uncle Johnny took me flying almost immediately and it seemed so easy until he said, "By the way, we won’t land until you land us!"  Then my heart began to race, my palms got sweaty and I began to panic.   But Uncle Johnny’s calm voice and clear instructions made it so easy that I made a perfect landing my very first time.  We flew several times in the three weeks I was there and if I had been interested enough to pursue it, I know that I could have done so successfully.  All because he had confidence in me and managed to instill that confidence in my heart as well.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what it was that made my Uncle Johnny such a special person.  I thought through my encounters with him (which by the way, were way too few over my lifetime) and the impressions that he left on my heart… the legacy he left in my life.  These are the things I remember most about him:

1. Uncle Johnny was always positive.  I can’t remember a single conversation with him where he was negative or critical.  I can only think of a few people in my life that I could make that statement about.  I’m sure that he and his wife had these types of discussions, but if he felt negatively about a person or a situation, he didn’t feel the need to communicate it widely to those around him. 
2. Uncle Johnny was an encourager.  He saw the potential in people and drew success out of them.  He believed in hard work and applying yourself to the task and that if you did, you could accomplish what you set out to do.  He saw the potential in others that perhaps they hadn’t even seen in themselves.
3. As a teacher he was very patient and kind.  He was a flight instructor for decades and one of the things I discovered about him this weekend was that he taught women almost exclusively!  He got a reputation early on, of being wonderful with women students.  Soon, women who had begun lessons with other male instructors only to have them get frustrated and irritated (often making them cry), came to him for instruction.  He helped them sail through to gain their pilot’s licenses, and confidence in themselves through the process.
4. Uncle Johnny had a sunny and bright disposition and had a terrific sense of humor.  Teasing, but with good natured fun, never biting, cutting or cynical.  I will always remember his wonderful laugh.
5. Uncle Johnny won many awards and recognitions for his work and all of them were based on who he was as a man and how readily his character shown through in all that he set about to accomplish in his career.  He was Flight Instructor of the Year for his entire region in Alaska.

Why do I share this with you?  Because in thinking about it over the past couple of days, I’ve come to realize that we all leave a legacy behind us.  It is written on the hearts of those we love.  Sometimes that legacy is full and rich, sometimes it will be very thin — but in all cases it is there for good or bad.  A legacy really has very little to do with accomplishments or riches, but with the character that has been built in our hearts and the relationships we have built with those around us.

With the complicated lives we lead, not many of us are able to think too far beyond tomorrow or next week.  Have you ever stopped to think what legacy you would like to leave with those you love?  Is there a legacy of faith, belief, ethics or service, that you have thought of passing on to others?  What do you think that those who are the closest to you would have to say about your influence on their lives?  Have you added to them and made them better for having known you?  Some day each of us will be gone and others will remember us, as I am remembering my dear Uncle John.

He was such a humble man that I doubt he had any inkling of how he was perceived — it was just the man he had come to be, from the inside out, that made such a wonderful impression on others.  When I thought more on this aspect, I thought about how little most of us know of how we are perceived.  Often our perceptions of ourselves are quite different than the perceptions others have of us, and not always for the better .  What we feel in the depths of our heart isn’t always making it to the hearts of others as we might want it to.  Sometimes we don’t really hear our own tone of voice or even recognize the number of times we might be frustrated, negative or critical instead of encouraging to others. 

I want to challenge you to pray a really scary prayer.  This is a prayer that can literally change your life and the impact your life leaves on the world around you.   

"Lord, help me to see myself as others see me, and more importantly how You see me.  Help me to hear myself more clearly and to hear the general tone of my conversations.  Am I routinely enthusiastic,encouraging and uplifting or pessimistic and negative?  Do I communicate positively, kindly and lovingly or am I sharp and irritated more often than I realize?  I really want to leave a legacy of love in the lives that are part of mine, show me how I can do that more effectively. 

"Also Lord, help me to discern the values that I hold dear and want to share with those I love, that their lives might be more blessed for having known me.   Give me a sense of purpose for my own life and the ability to leave a legacy of faith, love and inspiration in those who come behind me.  AMEN"

Audrey Jeanne Roberts