Are you afraid to be who you really are? Does it feel dangerous to you to let any of your flaws show through to others? If you fail or make a mistake do you want to run away and hide from the world? Have you been wounded in the past when you’ve tried to "be real," so you’ve pulled your head in like a turtle in its shell?
Living transparently, means in part allowing others to know who you really are, warts and all. It can be very scary to share your struggles and difficulties with those in your life. But if you find someone who is trustworthy and caring it can lead to incredible joy and great friendship. The bible tells us to: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16 NIV The word sin merely means to miss the mark as in archery. We all "miss the mark" in our lives and when we feel comfortable enough with each other to "confess" that we’re missing it we have a great opportunity for healing and change.
Living transparently involves taking a great risk and is not without potential dangers. Sharing your faults with someone who isn’t trustworthy is not a wise thing to do. And because other people have flaws and areas of weakness, rejection and wounding are always a possibility, but the rewards are incalculable.
The other morning, Dixie posted this comment on my blog: "AJ, honey, I don’t think I have ever loved you more. I still have a million boxes that I have not unpacked since we moved in June. I feel as though we are twins separated at birth! Hugs, Dixie." It was in response to my being vulnerable and willing for some people to think less of me by posting my out-of-control-studio pictures.
I intentionally posted those photos and earlier this year my messy garden pictures, so that you guys will realize that I am just a normal person, with a normal (okay not-so-normal) hectic life and some days like today I don’t make it out of my pajamas until after noon… sometimes well after noon and sometimes I go back to bed in them! Earlier in the comments on this same post someone mentioned that she had had me on a "pedestal," in a cute and joking way, but pedestals can be very scary and can hurt a lot to fall off of. Being real keeps you firmly rooted on the earth and much less likely to fall.
When I struggle with a particular area of my life or perhaps I even make a mistake, the Lord has taught me to not dwell in shame over it. He’s taught me to confess my weakness or sin to Him and then allow Him to change my areas of weakness and even use them to help others overcome as well.
My dearest friend SallyLou came over often when my children were growing up. One day she came over unexpectedly one afternoon for a relaxing cup of tea and when she walked into the kitchen she exclaimed, "I’m so glad you have dirty dishes in your sink but are still comfortable having me over here. That makes me feel comfortable having you over if my rug needs vacuuming!" Doesn’t that just about sum up the entire concept?!
When we lead transparent lives, we free up the tender-hearted people living around us to also be honest about their struggles. If we feel that we need to set a "perfect" example as parents, friends or leaders, we leave others feeling that they need to measure up. If we share how we struggle, overcome and grow they also feel empowered to do likewise.
You do need to be cautious and careful about being transparent around anyone in your life who is perfectionistic, critical or negative. They quite often are people who are quite insecure and don’t know how to deal with raw "realness" in others because they aren’t comfortable being "real" themselves. Sometimes your being honest will make them so uncomfortable that they can make wounding comments without even realizing that they have done so. Give them grace and don’t expect to build and honest and transparent relationship with them quickly (if at all).
Look for others that are struggling and share your struggles and you are likely to make a powerful impact in their lives and potentially a wonderful, deep, real friendship as well!!!
THE PROVERB OF THE DAY: Proverbs 31:8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. Niv
this is super.. so profound. thank you.
Okay, I see a lot of myself in your post :O
I tend to lead an opaque life.
I am a perfectionist for myself, but very tolerant of others. I don’t invite people over, because my house is never perfect enough 🙁 When I visit others, I don’t care if their house is perfect or not. Maybe I am missing out on a lot of fun 🙁 Maybe they don’t care what my house looks like either :O
There are lots of days I wear PJs all day! But I usually change in to fresh PJs at the end of the day. LOL (Oh Lambie! I hope you start living a little more transparently each day, because you are such a wonderful and special person I think that there’s some really exciting things ahead for you if you let God change this little area of your life!!!! Hugs, aj)
These are some very good points and thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing them with us.
Sue
Amen, AJ! Thanks for posting this…brings home a lot of things for me too!
Maybe you are correct in what you say and we need to be more tolerant of other people and of ourselves. But I am embarrassed to have a messy house. It drives me batty. I love to have company over and pride myself that they don’t have to call before they come. All of my neighbors keep their houses clean. So does that mean that we are wrong to want a clean house? Seems to me it is a lost art and people just don’t care anymore. My son was taught to make up his bed every morning and he is 33 years old and still makes the bed. He still irons his clothes and fixes his lunch to take to work. Reminder, he is married and his wife is not doing these things for him. She was never taught to do these things. (Maybe it would help if I clarified that I’m not endorsing not having a clean house, but in being “okay” with my house not being clean if it’s the difference between my enjoying your being there to see me or not. It’s a heart attitude that is comfortable with letting my flaws be seen and known rather than having to be perfect to feel okay about myself. My neighbor and dear friend was a meticulous housekeeper and her house was always spotless by 9 AM, but she considered herself crippled by it because she couldn’t let her boys be boys sometimes and couldn’t create anything because it would mess up her house. In that case a wonderful gift of cleanliness became instead her prison. BTW I don’t mind “books!” Hugs, aj)
Sorry, I’ll try not to write a book next time.
How thought provoking! I do wish I could be more like that….not care what my house looks like before inviting anyone over. I stress before expecting company or family. Looks like I might have a “new year’s” resolution at the end of August…to live more transparently and to share that with others! Thanks for sharing your transparency with all of us! (Every day is a new start! I am planning on dealing with my disaster area soon, but I also know it’s impossible to keep clean because of the lack of space, so I’m at peace with what I have to work with. Happy New Year!!!!)
Y’know, AJ, you might say you don’t have an official ministry, but I think you would do yourself a disservice to say you don’t have a ministerial outlet … I think, intentionally or not, you’ve turned blogging into one. And the approach I see you taking here is so much more accessible than any traditional ministry I’ve ever heard of … by your personalizing it, sharing so much of yourself in it, brining the verses into the present and making them seem more relevant than they would otherwise. Thanks, and I hope you’ll be able to keep up the blogs when you do get an “official” ministry.
Ok I am here. AJ your words are so good and inspirational. Thanks
AJ, I agree with Snapdragon. You minister to us in such a down to earth way. You help us to see that we are not alone, none of us are perfect. Thanks for you honesty and encouragement!
Many years ago a bunch of were talking about how some people worry about what everyone thinks of them…and my husband said “I am who who I am….if you like me great…if not that’s fine too. ” I love that about him. And I love that he helps keep me “real”…the dust will return, the house will be messy again, and I will try to keep up with it. But I would rather spend my time with my family and friends creating a home than creating a perfect house.