There are a couple of very special abilities that, when cultivated, can bring tremendous peace to personal relationships and even relationships within organizations.  The first is the ability to stand quietly on the merits of your character when it is being challenged.and the second (and often hardest) is the ability to let someone else have the last word. 

I’ve shared that several of the communities that we are involved in are undergoing intense conflicts (at our work, church, and local neighborhood etc.).  There has been some painful turmoil and the air has too frequently been filled with attacks, gossip, sniping, accusations and even at the extreme, character assasination.  We are standing beside some very dear friends as they have been experiencing these devastating circumstances. 

It’s easy, when someone is hurting you (or more often when someone is hurting someone you love) to want to make the offending person see your point of view.  It’s tempting to respond to every charge and refute them, but grace sometimes requires that we learn to keep our counsel.  It is often more effective to take our concerns to the Lord in prayer rather than fight the battle on the human plain. Prov 15:18  A hothead starts fights; a cool-tempered person tries to stop them.  NLT

When we choose to counter every charge and refute every argument, we rarely succeed in ending the argument, but instead usually even help the argument to grow!  Those that frequently stir up arguments are rarely ever convinced by anyone else’s viewpoint but are adamantly committed to their own.  A goodly measure of grace can lead us to choose to let the other individual have the last word, and the last, last word and the last, last, last…. well, you get my point.  By not responding, eventually the argument dies out because there is no one left to argue with.  It isn’t much fun for a contentious-spirited individual to argue alone and they will often go elsewhere in search of a playmate.

Sometimes our response has to be to speak not about the issue itself, but about the conflict and how to handle it apart from the facts of the particular issue… the issues can never be resolved if we can’t find the path to resolution through all the briars and thorny bushes of the conflict we’re lost in. 

Many families find that every family gathering is spent arguing the last argument they had, all over again.  It can become so stressful that there is no longer any joy in their celebrations.  Some  people are so passionate about their opinions, politics or various religious discussions, that they dominate every converstation.  In the process quieter family members are often stepped on or wounded.  In extreme circumstances the dominant individual might need to be met with a united front within the family or organization.  Behind the scenes communication might be in order to determine how best to respond and thereby greet this individual with a silent, united wall.    The contentious individual is looking for a dance partner as it’s no fun to dance this dance alone. 

Silence… for some of us it’s a very, very hard thing to practice, but silence is often the very best approach to handling the continuously argumentative among us.  The contentious individual almost always is seeking to draw supporters to their position and rarely is willing to confront directly the person that they have a disagreement with.  By not joining into their discussion and quietly, repectfully refusing to be drawn in, they are deprived of an audience and of the reinforcement they are seeking.

When it is the right thing to do to speak out — it is almost always best done by communicating quietly, factually and unemotionally.  Speak humbly from the heart with a heart of love and a desire for restoration, rather than to be proved right.  Prov 29:23  3 A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. NIV
 Sometimes the Lord will counsel you to hold still and be quiet… in those times it is right to simply let your character stand and rest in the knowledge that those who know you best, really do know you. 

Remember, the grace you have received for your own failures is the same grace that Christ requires you to in turn give to others… but that grace doesn’t stand in the way of taking practical steps to insure peace and tranquility in your life and in your communities.  Walking in grace is not for cowards!!!  Walking in grace isn’t allowing someone else to win while you stand weakly by, but it is turning the other cheek with a sense of strength, dignity and self-control.  Walking in grace can only come from the power of God’s holy spirit at work in you.  May He bless you today, with a fresh filling of His grace.

THE PROVERB OF THE DAY: Prov 23:15-18
My son, if your heart is wise,
then my heart will be glad;
16 my inmost being will rejoice
when your lips speak what is right.

17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
18 There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
NIV

Audrey Jeanne Roberts