Recently I was in a discussion with a friend who is in the throes of a divorce.  At the end of the hour-long conversation, he made a comment that has rung in my ears and my heart ever since…  He said, "I chose not to do the right thing because I was sure that she wouldn’t change.  I was sure it wouldn’t change the circumstances.  In retrospect, I should have done what was right just because it was right, whether or not it produced the "right" results." 

That is a very simple, but profound observation and it has relevance to many areas in our culture.  This concept was universally accepted and lived by 40 or 50 years ago, but has somehow become lost in our modern world.  People in our world make decisions that are more based on feelings, individual happiness and the hoped-for outcome, rather than from a sense of universal right and wrong. It can be hard to chose an action that will be difficult and even painful, but sometimes "doing the right thing" means honoring responsibility and duty above my feelings and personal desires.  Sometimes it means choosing a path that seems much harder and longer than if you took the easy way out.  Sometimes it even means teaching someone about right and wrong, whether or not they want to learn the lesson. 

Last week I heard a snippet of a taped assembly at a high school in Boulder, Colorado.  There were 4 or 5 psychology professionals who were addressing the students. They actually told them, "We won’t tell you not to do drugs, drink alcohol or have sex because you’re just going to do it anyway."  So instead, they encouraged them to experiment with drugs and drink alchohol.  They encouraged them to have sex with anyone, of any sex, in any manner that they thought would be fun.  They were completely incapable of telling those students that drugs are harmful, and that they can destroy lives.  

During the question and answer session a young girl came to the microphone and asked, "If I like a boy, but he doesn’t love me, should I have sex with him?  Would you have sex with someone who didn’t love you?"   My heart broke at the question, as I heard the pain in the young girl’s heart that motivated her to ask it.  However, each of them actually giggled and casually said, "Yes, I would have sex with someone who didn’t love me."  They were not able to discern right and wrong choices and confidently tell the kids that wrong choices, lead to bad consequences that you just might have to live with forever.

These psychologists can merrily share their viewpoint with these kids and be their "buddies" for a while, but where will they be when one of them drives drunk and kills themselves, two kids in their car and an entire family on their way to visit their grandparents?  Where will they be when the fourteen year old girl girl they just counseled  has sex with four anonymous boys at a party, then discovers she’s pregnant and doesn’t even know who the father of her child is?  They won’t be there to pick up the pieces of the young man’s life who is now hooked on heroine or methamphetamines because they told him to "experiment responsibly" with drugs that are so addictive a single episode can destroy a life forever.

My husband and I were "old fashioned parents."  We made rules and did our best to enforce them.  We kept to the rules whether or not our children obeyed them, because the rules themselves were established to protect them and prepare them to live a happy life.  We said one phrase so many times that our kids now laugh and can repeat it virtually word for word, "We love you enough to have you not like us right now.  We love you enough to do what is right for you as your parents.  We want to be your friends, (eventually when you are adults) but that will happen only after we’ve done what’s best for you as YOUR PARENTS." 

Many of you who read my blog are very familiar with the bible, but I also know that many of you have never read it for a lot of different reasons.  Often people who have never read the bible, mistake it for a huge, single book that’s overwhelming to even consider reading.  However it is actually a library of 66 books, written over thousands of years, by many authors, from many different cultures who share an amazingly singular view on life and wisdom. 

One of my favorite books in the bible is Proverbs.  It was written for the most part by King Solomon who collected wisdom from the world around him and his personal observations.  Just one example of the relevance to today’s life of the book of proverbs is,  "Better to be poor and honest than a rich person no one can trust.  Prov. 19:1.  Stolen bread tastes sweet, but soon your mouth is full of gravel.  Form your purpose by asking for counsel, then carry it out using all the help you can get.  Gossips can’t keep secrets, so never confide in blabbermouths.  Prov. 20:17-19  (I’ve quoted from The Message, which is a modern version of the bible.  So often when I read these words I realize that for all that the world has changed, we humans aren’t any different than those who lived thousands of years ago!   Proverbs speaks continually of the wise and the foolish.  Wisdom is another way of expressing making the right choices, and foolishness is another word for the wrong choices.

As I love my children and want to protect them from the consequences bad choices will make in their lives, my loving Heavenly Father has given me a handbook to help me as His child.  He set down rules not just so He can boss me around, but to protect me in the same way I want to protect my kids.  In my almost 45 years of following Him I have never once found His instructions to be wrong.  The world around me has constantly shifted in its opinions of what is right and wrong!  Many ways that I was instructed to raise my children when I first became a mother, have now been refuted.  If I had followed them, my children would have been damaged, but instead I followed the principles I learned from God’s word and doing the "right thing" has led to the "right results."  Perhaps it’s because the God that created us also knows what is best for our lives. 

Many times over the years I’ve had to choose to do the "right" thing even when it didn’t feel good.  Almost every time it has ultimately produced the "right" result, but sometimes it hasn’t.  When that is the case it’s usually because someone else in the situation had a free will and chose to go a different way.  But I’ve also learned that when I choose to do right whether or not it works out, I am at peace either way.  Doing the "right" thing often means things like telling the truth even if you’re going to be embarrassed by it, or choosing not to steal even if you know you woudn’t be caught.  Doing the "right" thing sometimes means refusing to cover for your boss when he/she wants you to lie for them knowing it could ulitimately cost you your job.  Doing the "right" thing might mean telling a young couple that having sex might feel good for the moment, but can hurt both of them in the long run and maybe even change the course of their lives forever.

Whether or not you hold to the bible as your standard of right and wrong, I hope you will take time to think over what your standards of wisdom and foolishness are.  What do you KNOW will lead to a better life and what do you KNOW can lead to horrible consequences?  Please don’t be afraid to share those with your children!  Hopefully, you’ll be able to help your children understand that when they choose to do "right" they win no matter what the outcome is.  When they overcome their feelings and choose the right action, you’re teaching them a skill and a discipline that can translate into every area of their life in the future.  Being led by internal standards rather than ever-changing feelings, leads to a stable and peacable life.  Conversely, making decisions based on the avoidance of pain can lead to more and more devastating consequences, as my friend who is in the middle of his divorce has come to understand.  He is realizing that enduring what was in retrospect a little bit of pain, would have been so much better in the long run, than blindly running away from it and heading into the unending, overwhelming fire-storm of pain that is what has come out of his decision.

I think I’m going to add a verse from Proverbs each day to my blog, as a reminder (to myself!) about what is really important in life!  And just maybe you’ll enjoy them too.  Remember, someone wiser than me once said, "Parenting isn’t for cowards!" 

Audrey Jeanne Roberts