It is a cry that every child utters at one point or another at their parent, "That's not fair!" or it's variant "You're not fair!" We are each born with an innate sense of fairness which is usually of course, applied to everyone but ourselves! As a mom, I've told my children since before they were old enough to comprehend my words that, "Life isn't fair… you need to know it, deal with it and get past it if you're going to be successful."
For some reason we seem to never quite get past that concept and when life throws us a curve… something really unfair and really devastating, we often throw a pouting, pity-party temper-tantrum at our Heavenly Father that is every bit as spectacular as our children threw at us.
Life isn't fair. We live in a broken world that we share with broken people who sometimes do terrible things to one another. We also live in a world that is filled with disease and bodies that break down with wear and tear. Death still reigns supreme at a virtually 1 to 1 ratio with only 2 men recorded as getting out of this world any other way (Enoch a man that walked with God and then God took him, and the prophet Elijah who was carried to heaven in a fiery chariot). Death, disease and evil deeds came to this earth because of sin, and they affect those that seek after God and those that don't, equally as much. As I might add so also do blessings… God say's "I pour out the rain on the just and the unjust alike."
Why am I bringing this up right now? Because I am leaving home tomorrow to go visit my wonderful Uncle Johnny for the last time. He is a sweet, funny, kind, amazing man who became my uncle through my step-father Joe Rogers. He came into my life late, but accepted me as though I were his own. He has been filling a mentoring role in my daughter's life this past year. She has lived near them to go to Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University where she is studying to get her Commercial Pilot's License. He is a pilot and has been a flight instructor for decades.
Uncle Johnny and Aunt Betty were never able to have kids — which isn't fair at all. They would have made the most wonderful parents and have been wonderful to all the children that have been lucky enough to be part of their lives. He is only in his early 70's and should have many more years to spend with my aunt and us… but will not.
His illness was just diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and at the rate things are happening, we may not have him in a couple of week's time. It is a hard thing to contemplate. It is hard both to find comfort and to be prepared to give comfort.
Life isn't fair. Hard things happen to each of us. Hard things can break you down and make you bitter or they can lift you up and make you stronger, make you an example to others. The making or the breaking isn't really in the events themselves, but in our response to them. How do we choose to face suffering and loss? What do we choose to hold onto during the rough and stormy seas? I can tell you from experience that if you do not develop a belief system and struggle with answers to these hard, hard questions when times are calm YOU WILL NOT HAVE THE TIME OR THE ENERGY TO FIGURE THEM OUT WHEN THE SEAS GET STORMY AND LIFE IS UPSIDE DOWN!
I've occasionally been asked by people, "How do you know that God is real?" Some Christians would point to all their blessings and say, "Look at all the wonderful things He's given me, that's how I know He's real." But I would point to all the horrible times I've gone through in my lifetime. I could tell you story after story of God whispering a promise to my heart that looked impossible to come true — but they did. I would point to the situations that should have destroyed me or my family but instead transformed me from a confused, weak, fearful, cowardly little girl into the woman God is helping me to become. I would tell you that I know because He has never once failed me, or left me alone to face the trials that I have walked through. He has walked each one out by my side or has carried me through them when I didn't even have the strength to go on. And I am confident that He'll carry me through this one.
If you don't know that there's a God, you're not even sure you want to believe that there is, or you're really, really angry at how "unfair" God has been to you, I'd like to invite you to pray a prayer similar to this one:
God, I'm not sure you exist. I'm not even sure I want to believe in you, but something in my heart longs to believe that there's more to life than all of this. Please make yourself real to me. Please show me how much you love and care for me. I'm really angry about some things that have happened in my life that just aren't fair, and I'm even angry at you because of them Thank you that you don't reject me because I feel this way, but long to hold me close as a loving father cradles his child. Show me where my thoughts about you are right and wrong and teach me the truth about who you are and what your plan for my life is. Amen
I'd also like to send you a hug myself and tell you, I'm praying for you and I care as well.
Audrey Jeanne Roberts
Thank you for this writing today. We are collecting data for my husband, Dick to take to Seattle next week. His son, who is only 30 is being treated for pancreatic and liver cancer. He is not doing very well. We live in Arkansas so it is not possible for us to be there every day. We are praying Dick will have a chance to lead Mike back to walking with Jesus. He has led a very wayward life for the past 15 years since his mother died, and now he is reaping what he has sown. Thank you for these words today, I have shared with Dick so he can know he is not alone in this walk.
Thanks AJ
No, life is not fair. We need to accept each day as it comes & know we will survive it.
If Uncle Johnny must leave this life, I pray he goes peacefully. Cherish the gift of time you have been given to be with him.
I always find these situations the hardest to talk about. How do you comfort someone going through such a difficult time. Especially when you have never experienced it? Loss is something that all of us experience in one way or another. I can only hope that Uncle Johnny does not suffer and finds peace. It sounds as if he has a wonderful family to help him during this difficult time. I will pray for you and your family as you struggle with this situation.
You have “such” a beautiful way of using words. Can certainly tell your Faith runs deep. My prayers will be with all of you during your visit. Pray that your Uncle Johnny will be strong enough to truly enjoy your visit. Pray you’ll be able to supply just the right words to comfort him during what must be his most miserable days of his life. Prayers that DH and You have a safe, uneventful trip. (Thank you Kay, your words/prayers are very comforting. Hugs, AJ)
Hugs ~ Kay
AJ, I hope you get to have a good visit with your Uncle Johnny. Life isn’t fair but we have to deal with the cards we are dealt.
AJ I never know what to say at a time like this because you have said all there is to say. I can say “God bless you in your time remaining with your uncle and that it would all be for His glory.. TFS
AJ – I do love to read your blogs. You have a beautiful way with words and touch my heart often. I forget to “visit” you, so I like your little teasers.
My heart goes out to you and your uncle. I pray that your memories will give you comfort and peace at this time. I pray for your uncle to have strength to be able to get through what he has to. I know you will find the right words to help him on his journey home.
Please be safe in your travels. I am blessed to know you.
Well said AJ. In this day we live in, lots of people cannot deal with the fact that “It isn’t fair!” I wish everyone could/would read this!
Prayers for your uncle and aunt!
I agree with everyone that you have a special way with words. Know that my prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
I want to thank you for this entry in your blog. I agree that it is in the hard time that God makes His presence so real. When my husband past away 4 1/2 years ago, as I was standing next to his hospital bed I felt God’s arms wrap around me and I heard Him whisper to my heart “Sheryl, John is home with me now”. There was a tremendous sadness but also a wonderful peace that I can’t explain. It is so comforting to know that God cares and is always with us during the good times ans especially the bad.
My prayers are with you.
Hugs
Sheryl
(Spring)
I wanted a copy of this to send to several of my family who are facing or who have been facing such sad times. I’m with you all the way with your faith in our Dearest Lord. thank for such heart felt words. God be with you and all your family in this sorrowing time.
Wanda T.
Your blog is so uplifting and heart felt that I feel as though I know you and your uncle.
My prayers are with you and your family. I love the poem “Footprints”. It puts it so well that when there is only one footprint that is when the Lord is carrying you. May the Lord carry you and your family during this time.
Having just lost my husband May 10th of cancer I know first hand the words of being not fair. My husband was a good man and only 57 years old the world has lost a bright light and by the sounds of it with your Uncle John too. I wish there were words to heal but there aren’t any. I find comfort in knowing their walking with God. Joyce in MI (Joyce, my heart goes out to you with your loss so freash and sudden… Having lost a husband in my youth, I know firsthand the hard path that you are walking in. I will be praying for you today. Hugs, AJ)
this is so beautiful, and i read it today and am so thankful i opened it up…my prayers are with you too…. please pray for me too…. i am handicapped from a really bad almost fatal accident , plus have the custody of my 4 mo old premie grandson, plus have a very ill husband who is recovering from brain surgery and heart attack and several strokes… i feel like i cannot take any more of this… but somehow i am doing it… i am almost 70 and my husband is 86… so life is really difficult right now and i am very depressed but also happy i have been given this beautiful little baby to love and take care of….
This is so touching…. Yes, life really is not fair, but you just have to suck it up and keep going. Whenever I get depressed and lonely, I stop and count my blessings, I have so much to be thankful for. I was blessed with a wonderful husband for 57 years, a large healthy family of four beautiful daughters, nine grandchildren, and three great- grandchildren.
I know there is a God…He has helped me during the hard times and made me appreciate the good.
My prayers are with you and your family… Peace be with you.
I know that God was with Uncle Johnny.He has been with all of them this past couple weeks.I am so grateful to God that he allowed dad to spend a few precious days with his big brother.It’s hard to make up for all those years apart but I know dad feels at peace knowing he was able to let Uncle Johnny know how much he meant to him.
You are so right that God will be with you every step of the way! I lost my precious husband of 42 years one year ago in February to cancer. He battled it so valiantly and believed so much that he would be healed, but just couldn’t make it. Actually our belief in God just grew and our blessings multiplied from this situation. I am doing fine and I feel God’s hand just molding me and holding me up.
I am sorry your uncle didn’t make it, but oh, the reunion he will be having with loved ones is so wonderful. When my husband was born, his birth-mother died due to hemorrhage. That was in 1944 and medicine isn’t what it is now. Anyway, his father worked in the woods as a pulpwood cutter and there was no way he could raise a little baby. So he asked his sister who was closest to him in age to take his little baby boy and raise him. He was raised with so much love and care and spoiled rotten. Ha! Anyway, when he went to be with the Lord, I told my family that I KNEW the first person who met him was his birth mother! He finally got to meet her and I am so glad.
I wish all of the broken hearts a speedy mend and a knowledge that Jesus Christ is the answer! (Sandi, so well said! Spoken from a heart well-acquainted with grief and he who bore our griefs and sorrows. Hugs to you, AJ)