The hardest thing we as parents are called to do is let our children go.  We struggle to fully release them into success or failure… with the full consequences and rewards of each.  The best way to do this is start the day they were born!  Because if you haven't gotten really good at it, by the time that you finally "have" to it will tear you apart!

The reason I'm writing this post is that I was scrapbooking a page for my daughter, Jacqui today.  My children have often "whined" that mom designs scrapbooking things for everyone else in the entire world, but never uses them for them (great guilt-manipulators aren't they?!)

In putting the layout together, it brought back all the memories of having to walk away that last time, get in the car and drive 10 hours home.  I'm crying now as I write this… it was devastatingly hard.  Those who have been through it know, those who haven't… there's really no perfect way to prepare for it except to know that it's coming one day.

It is easier to let go when you trust that your child's values are sound and have been time-tested.  It is easier to release them into the Lord's hands when you have prayed with them through decision after decision they have made throughout their short lifetimes.  It is easier when you know that they have learned to seek and love wisdom and recognize foolishness and its consquences.  It's easier when you have seen them grow in responisibility and maturity.  But the only way you'll really know that they believe all the things you've taught them, is to walk them through real, life-impacting, decision-making processes while they are still in your home.

What do I mean by this?  Giving them increasing authority to make decisions and bear the consequences of those decisions while they are still in the safety of your own home.  For example, your child is a Junior in High School and fights you constantly about being asked "Have you done your homework today?"  Releasing them might mean discussing that they will be given the responsibility of managing their own time in regards to doing their homework and with that freedom from reminding, also comes the responsibility of bearing the consequences if the work isn't done.  Then outlining those consequences as they pertain to life in general (failing grades etc.) and specific consequences in the family if they are not accomplished (loss of car privileges, etc.).

We often want our children to be totally responsible before we give them responsibility, but that isn't how it works.  We have to give them responsibility in order for them to become responsible.  If you don't control something, it's not possible to be responsible for it.  If someone comes in behind you and makes things right, you don't discover the consequences of doing a job wrong.  One reason that children raised on a farm often develop a great sense of responsibility is that if they don't care for the animals they are entrusted with, those animals can actually die.  They are depending on them for their very lives.  Also, if the farm doesn't  prosper, they don't prosper… there is direct correlation between choices and consequences both bad and good.

Letting go starts with allowing your three year old to tie his or her shoelaces even though you know they will just come untied because they haven't "done it right!"  Letting go is not doing anything for your child that he or she can now do for themselves.  It means letting them bear the consequences of not getting up early enough in the morning to fix their lunch… going hungry for a day or fending for themselves is a good opportunity for them to learn a life lesson.  It means not driving 20 minutes to school to deliver the term paper that they left at home — even though it may cost them a one or two grade drop.

Letting go is the hardest thing you will be called to do as a parent, but if you don't you'll never know the joy of a soaring heart as you watch your child fly straight and well.

Audrey Jeanne Roberts