Saturday my husband and I went into town to get our hair cut, see "Amazing Grace" the movie (again!) (www.amazinggracemovie.com/) and run a month's worth of errands.  By the way, if you want a great movie to go see, you will LOVE "Amazing Grace."  It's a wonderful movie.  Its theme is one man or woman really can help change the world.  It will lift your spirits and delight your heart.  We went to a different town than we usually go to when we "come off the mountain," so we found a Supercuts store and it was there that I met Rosalie.

Rosalie is a 23 year old single mother of a 7 month old beautiful baby girl.  When she was cutting my hair, we talked about her daughter, about her working part time so she could be with her, and how her boyfriend's mother was taking care of the baby when she had to work, so that she didn't have to go to daycare. 

I shared a little about my childhood as a child of divorce (with a single mom for a while, and a working mom the rest of the time), and about my grown children and the relationship we're blessed to have.  She shared some of the details of her childhood.  It was a delightful conversation with a delightful young woman. 

One thing I noticed about Rosalie is that she had a spirit that was hungry to learn and hungry to do the right thing… but from what she shared it was evident that she had had little or no real parenting herself and wondered how to do it well without an example to follow.  She shared a little of what life was like for her growing up and her Mom's "choices," especially regarding men in their home and how they affected her.  Rosalie had a very sweet, warm, wonderful spirit… I liked her very much.

She was open to my sharing anything that I thought might be helpful to her, so I was able to share an idea with her that I'd like to pass along to you as well.  I said, "If you'd been blessed with a really great set of parents who did most things right, all you would have to do is follow their example and you'd probably do pretty well.  But if the examples of marriage and parenting were a little less than adequate, look around you and see if there's anyone who's parenting you really admire.  Is there anyone whose children seem really well cared for and you'd like your children turn out like?  Is there any one whose marriage seems really solid and you respect the way they treat each other?  If so, get to know them.  Spend time with them and ask questions about how they do things.  Chances are they would love to help you learn."

I continued, "If you want to be a great hair stylist, don't you get training from someone who is much better than you are so that you can learn their secrets and tips?  The same concept works in every area of life, but we often just don't think to ask."  She was genuinely intrigued by the concept… she got the connection immediately to hair styling and realized that parenting and marriage were much tougher jobs to accomplish well.  Isn't it funny that we go to college to learn from professors in our field of study, but rarely think of getting instruction from those who are successfully accomplishing the toughest jobs in life?!

Here's my challenge to you.  If you are doing well in your marriage and your parenting, (note: I didn't say doing perfectly ) there are hundreds of "Rosalie's" living around you that have never really been parented.  They've never had someone willing to invest in their lives and cheer them on.  They have no one speaking wisdom into their lives.  Could you share some of your hard-earned wisdom with a young man or young woman and help prevent them from suffering unnecessary pain? Could you share where you've made mistakes and also where things have worked out well?  Could you be the older friend and mentor that perhaps you once wished for and couldn't find?  It doesn't have to take a huge amount of time.  Just a small investment of your time, infused with a lot of caring and speaking from your heart, and you just might make a great difference in how one life turns out. 

In fact, you just might change many more lives than the one you chose to invest in… because healthy people raise healthy children, that build healthier societies and healthier worlds.  As the movie "Amazing Grace" points out, change happens one life at a time… one man or woman really can help change the world. 

And if you're a "Rosalie" my advice to you is the same, find an older friend that you can ask questions of and listen to their advice.  Do what it takes to learn, grow and change so that your children DO have a great parent whose provides an example they can safely follow.  You don't have to be limited by the parenting you received or by what family examples you have seen.  You can chose a different path. You can change the course of your family's future, by the step you take today in a new direction.

The two best resouces I know of for both these areas are Focus on the Family with Dr. James Dobson which you can find at www.family.org and FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey at www.familylife.com.  These two resources are full of time-tested wisdom and personally have taught me so much about being a good wife and mother.  I value them so much that I have added them as links in my blog so you can find them here anytime you need them.

Audrey Jeanne Roberts