One of the most common mistakes all of us tend to make when someone asks us to do something, is give an immediate answer.  Our mouths say "Yes" before we consult our hearts or our schedules!  Get in the habit of answering, "Thank you for asking me to do that, let me pray about it and check my schedule.  I'm really blessed that you thought of me.  I'll get back to you tomorrow on my answer."

Waiting a day to say either "Yes" or "No" gives you time to fully think things through and formulate your answer.  If it's really hard for you to say "No," it gives you time to write down your reasons for the answer so you can remember under pressure.  Also, if your answer is "Yes," a thoughtful yes is much more valuable and appreciated than a hasty one.  If you practice this principle, eventually most everyone in your life (except those that are truly dysfunctional!) will begin to understand that you are careful with your time and commitments and will begin to honor that thoughtfulness when you give your answer, regardless of what the answer is.

Most of our resentment at being asked to do things comes from feeling pressured into them.  The reality is that no one can really make you feel pressured even if they are pressuring you!  You have the freedom and the responsibility to guard your schedule so that your health and well-being aren't impaired and that you are able to do the best job possible on the commitments that you do accept.

If you enforce a one day response on every decision you make that isn't life or death, you allow yourself time to remember if there's another conflict or that you had a special plan for that day or….  A lot of ill feelings can be avoided on both sides of the equation if you make your "Yes, yes" and your "no, no" as Christ instructed us to do.  What does that simple phrase mean?  It means if you say 'Yes" do it, and do it with your whole heart.  Do it without resentment or grumbling, but with joy.  If you say "No" mean it.  Be clean, crisp and simple in your commuications.

When you give your answer and the answer is going to be "No," don't be overly apologetic about it.  Be clear and decisive in your own heart and communicate your decision clearly without wavering or weakness.  Some people hear that weakness in your voice and assume with a little more pressure you'll give in. 

Also, you don't have to give long drawn out explanations about why you had to say no.  A short informed answer will suffice if you're convinced it's the right answer and communicate it with confidence.  For instance, if I've been asked to help out on a Saturday luncheon with the decorations, but I made a date already with one of my daughters to spend the day with them.  I will communicate my answer in this fashion, "Oh, I'm sorry, when I checked my calendar for that date yesterday, I realized that I already have a prior obligation.  It sounded like fun, perhaps next time I'll be available."

If it's a long term commitment that you're turning down, it would be appropriate to give a thoughtful reason as to why you are unable or unwilling to take on the task.  For example, "Thank you for asking me to lead the third grade Sunday School.  I've really thought about it and prayed about it.  I'm going to say 'No' to your request as I don't believe that I am the best person for that position and will pray that the Lord bring someone who is truly called to fill it.  I really love teaching at an older level, perhaps college age or so, and would consider stepping out into that area should an opening become available."

Remember crisp, clear & confident the 3 C's of communication! 

Audrey Jeanne Roberts