Children are a Thirty Year Crop!

"It's easier to build a child than to repair an adult." 

Audrey Jeanne Roberts, from the book 'Lord, Help me to Build a Healthy Child'" 

If you're about ready to pluck your children out of the garden and throw them (figuratively) onto the compost heap because they're looking a lot more like weeds than flowers… I just wanted to encourage you a little today.  It's a long, slow process to grow children into strong, healthy, mature and godly adults.  In fact the dirty little secret you weren't told when they handed you that sweet liitle "bundle of joy," is that it takes closer to thirty years than eighteen!

The world around us tells our children that they become "adults" at age eighteen.  That expectation can be the source of significant friction between children and their parents.  Of course there isn't really a magic number that signifies the finish line in the race to adulthood.  As anyone who has parented an eighteen year old knows, even the most mature among them is still a long way from being able to make it on their own as a responsible adult. 

The process of becoming an adult occurs slowly. It happens one day at a time, one decision at a time,  and one experience at a time.  It is a byproduct of the process of facing life's challenges.  Some challenges will produce successes and others setbacks and failures.  Great parents know when to stop protecting or overcontrolling and step back a little, giving their children the freedom to fail in a safe, protected environment.  Every experience in your child's life can become the building blocks of wisdom and experience, if he or she is willing to learn from them, and you are dilgent to help him or her learn. 

Your parenting role has to adjust and change significantly over time.  At birth your child was completely helpless and vulnerable.  Over time he or she can do more on their own and require less assistance from you.  Most parents find the process of release to be a rocky one.  Some children struggle to be released too soon. while others don't seem to want to be responsible and venture out on their own at all! This transition rarely happens without struggle, disagreement and even ocassionally periods of great turmoil.   No matter the personality of your child, your job description is the same… ultimately your job is to work yourself out of a job! 

Just keep this thought in mind if you're discouraged at where you are in this process.  If you're trying to measure your success as a parent any time before your child is 30 years old, the crop hasn't fully matured yet.  It's quite posssible you won't see the full fruit of your parenting until your children become parents themselves.  Be patient, be prayerful and be diligent.  Don't give up and don't ever quit working at it.  The sad fact is there's absolutely no guarantee of success even if you're a great parent.  But with the help of God, and a lot of sweat and tears, it's likely you will ultimately be successful if you keep working at it. 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.  Gal. 6:9-10"

Some of the most joyful moments in parenting begin in the mid to late twenties.  That's about the time when you start to hear your child tell their friends (or children) something you've said to them a thousand times and never even thought they heard!  It's when you receive calls asking your advice on an important life-changing decision that they need to make.  It's also when your child will often start to consider you not just their parent, but their cherished friend.  Be patient and in the words of Winston Churchill, "Never, never, never give up!" 

I'll end on a humorous note.  I think it was Erma Bombeck who said, "Grandchildren are the reward we get for not killing our children!"  Hang in there!

Audrey Jeanne Roberts

4 thoughts on “Children are a Thirty Year Crop!”

  1. Thank you Audrey Jeanne! I love reading your blog, it is always so uplifting. (thank you for reading … it makes it so easy to write to my friends 🙂 aj)

  2. Thank you Audrey Jeanne, we have a 21 yr old and 19 yr old who know everything! You have such a wonderful way of putting things in perspective! How true …. Children ARE a 30 yr crop!

  3. Excellent insights.

    With 3 teens (and 2 young ones) I struggle with adjusting and changing my role.

    What are your rules for sharing from your blog? I would like to share this particular post with a few other Moms. (Please, feel free to pass this along. The easiest way is to post the link in anything you write, but you can also copy and paste as long as you include copyright Audrey Jeanne Roberts and the blog address. Thanks for asking! aj)

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